Well folks, it has finally happened, the fetus and I have parted ways. And I plan to share every gory detail with you because after all, I owe it my peeps that have been following this story with me. You know now that I would never leave you hanging like that.
Here we go:
On Thursday I started to get a little spotting of blood, so I knew it was imminent. The process was in motion. I was feeling okay except for the same normal cramps I usually get during my period. And the craving for chocolate. But this time the craving was soooo intense, I felt like a geeper (crackhead) jonesing for my next fix. I literally couldn’t even concentrate on my job until I was chewing on a Nestle Crunch or Chunky bar. Mmmmmmm!
Bas’s parents were here from Holland this weekend and on Saturday afternoon we went to the Museum of Natural History. The museum was actually quite lovely and really interesting. And my little boy Ean was happier than a pig in shit. He was darting around checking out all the exhibits, calling us to come see what’s over here. Since he is a huge fan of dinosaurs and sea creatures we spent a good deal of time in those two halls. We also saw a really cool movie in the planetarium about possible life elsewhere in this galaxy and Harrison Ford was the narrator.
On Saturday night his parents had plans for dinner with Bas’s uncle. It was so damn cold out Bas, Ean and I just went back home, ordered pizza and watched TV for the rest of the evening.
By this time, I was getting cramps a little worse than normal but nothing I couldn’t handle. I simply popped a few Motrin and relaxed back on the couch to catch this week’s TiVoed episodes of Lost and 24. Those are my shows, man.
We finally retired to our beds and at about 6 in the morning I was awaken by hardcore, crazy-ass cramps like I’ve never had in my life before. Shocking stuff. And there’s nothing worse than for pain to wake your ass up. It’s even worse than hearing the (painful) sound of the alarm clock.
I stumbled out of bed, bent over like an old lady with a hump and went into the bathroom and immediately popped a few more Motrin, fully aware that it wasn’t going to give any immediate relief.
I was sitting on the toilet holding my stomach and howling in pain. Although the source of the pain was my lower abdomen, I could also feel it in my back and radiating down my legs as well. I kept thinking how upset I was that nobody (including my doctor) had warned me that this might happen. A little pre-warning would have prepared me. A heads-up would have helped a sista out. Just a little, “You know this is going to be a really painful experience. Be prepared.”
I woke Bas up with my cries and he came to check me out. I told him there was nothing he could do and that he should go back to bed.
Finally, after about 45 minutes of this unrelenting pain I thought it may help if I took a bath. You see, I have a belief that a bath cures everything. Well it may not actually cure everything but it certainly relieves the symptoms of ANY ailment. I’m telling you….if you have a cold, back pain, headache, diabetes or gout (what’s gout?) sit in a hot bath and I promise you…..you will get some temporary relief. It works, I swear. It’s nature’s medicine. And true to my belief….as soon as I got in the tub, my pain subsided. And I mean immediately. No joke. I was angry with myself that I hadn’t thought of it earlier, but I guess I was just hoping the pain would stop on its own. I didn’t know it was going to last so long because cramps aren’t usually a constant sort of pain.
So, I soaked up in the tub 10 minutes and went back to bed.
Somewhere around 8 am Bas and Ean were leaving to pick up his parents in the City when I finally woke up.
I sat on the toilet reminiscing about the wonderful pain from a few hours ago and heard a “BLOOP” in the toilet. Because I am really nosey and slightly gross….I took a closer look at what could have caused such a sound (that wasn’t coming from my booty). I saw something that looked like a piece of toilet paper and I knew that must be “it.” So, I scooped it up with a paper cup. (Hey, it’s my body, my fetus, my stuff…I can touch it!) I looked closely and I couldn’t see an actual human form, instead just a piece of flesh that could fit in the palm of my hand. It kinda looked like chicken fat without the cellulite bumps and not quite so yellow.
I called Bas on the phone and told him about my discovery. I asked if he wanted to see it or should I dump it. And true to being the man I picked to marry, he said, “Save it, I want to see it.” I was hoping he would say that and truthfully, even if he had told me to dump it, I probably would have made him have a look anyway.
But I just have to say that I love him just a little more for saying he wanted to see it. Most men would be all, “Ewwww! Gross! Why should I have to see it?” But there is something really pleasing about the fact that my husband wanted to participate in everything I was going through, even if it included looking at dead fetus meat (I know, nasty).
In retrospect, I know that the reason for the pain was that my cervix was opening up (or dilating) to allow the fetus to pass through. It was a preview of what actual childbirth is like. Great!
But now I am happy to say this ordeal is over. Now I can really put this whole experience in the past and move on. But I did learn a lot from this…..First, don’t get your hopes up about the baby until you see the doctor first. Don’t tell everyone about the pregnancy until you have been to the doctor first. Don’t pick names for the baby until you have been to the doctor first. Don’t talk to your belly or let your husband kiss it until you see the doctor first.
And for goodness sakes, don’t post a blog about your belly bump until you see the doctor first.
