Blighted Ovum

I neglected to inform my loyal blog readers about something really important (and blog-worthy) that happened last week. Shame on me! But I really didn’t feel like writing about it yet and I know you will all understand once I get it out. Now I am ready to share.

Well, the unfortunate news is that I lost the baby. My poor little fetus has decided not to continue his or her life with me.

Here’s the story…..
I got back from Sweden on Sunday night and Bas and I were super-excited to go to the doctor’s appointment the next day. I called into work because I was so tired from the jetlag. The doctor’s appointment was at 10:00 so I still had to wake up somewhat early to get there on time but I didn’t care because I couldn’t wait to see my baby.
Of course, I had to shave my legs, take a really thorough shower and let’s not forget…groom up the pubic area. Because that is what women do before a gynecologist appointment. Right girls?
Anyway, so I was at the doctor’s filling out a bunch of paperwork that was all, “Congratulations on your pregnancy. Now here’s how we bill you, etc. etc.”
The doctor called me in before I was even done signing everything and started the normal questioning, “When was your last period? Is this your first pregnancy? Any heath concerns?”
She also did a quick examination of my insides and stuff. Then she took out the sonogram machine. And just then, Bas came.
He gave me the cutest smile that I’ll never forget.
So, she puts this penis-shaped camera inside of me and turned on the screen. She was squinting at the screen and moving the “penis camera” around vigorously. We could see a black bean-looking spot on the screen. She pointed to this little gray speck in the middle of it and said, “There’s the baby. But it’s so small. Let me have the nurse practitioner come in and have a look because I don’t see the flickering heartbeat like I should. The nurse practitioner is a wiz at this machine.”
And she left.
Bas and I were freaking. We knew what the deal was.
After about 10 minutes, the nurse came in and did the same thing the doctor had done before and agreed. Before she left, she touched my leg and whispered. “Sorry.” Bas didn’t hear her.
But the doctor wanted to be sure before breaking the news and asked us to go to some radiology center which had with better machines. She was trying hard not to tell us the baby was probably dead. She kept saying, “Well our machines aren’t the best, so everything could be okay. Go to this place will be able to see better.”
When I was in the office I didn’t feel like I would cry. But as soon as we walked out, I lost it. I was sobbing so much that I could barely breathe and poor Bas was doing his best to comfort me by holding me really tight.
Then when we finally got to the car that was six blocks away, I had gotten a handle on the crying and it had slowed to a few tears rolling down my face. We got into the car and I looked over at Bas and he was leaned up against the window crying too. And I lost it again. To see him cry really hurt me. I felt so bad for him. We hugged each other for at least ten minutes and just cried together.
We drove to the radiology center and they had the same outcome as my doctor did. The nurse there was squinting at the machine as well. And she asked me if I had any bleeding. She said they would contact my doctor and I could call for the results. We knew what the results were already. We could see it with our own eyes.

So the nurse said we could leave and we went into this little changing room to change back into my clothes and we had sex.….ohhhhhh kaaaaay! Yes, yes!
Really. We don’t know why, maybe it was the high emotions or something. Weird, I know… but true.

So here we are a week later and I am feeling much better about the situation. We both are. I understand that this is a common occurrence and if the baby stopped growing it was because it had abnormalities….and therefore this is a good thing.
But don’t ever think (like I did before this happened) that just because it was only a few months in that this doesn’t hurt, because it does. Bas and I were talking about names. He would kiss my stomach every morning before he left for work. I was cleaning my closet and keeping outfits that would be good for maternity wear. I was eating so that I could get the proper amount of protein, fiber, calcium necessary for the baby’s healthy growth. Plus, we told everyone. I announced it on this blog. Then in one blink of an eye…it had all changed. It was gone! And that sucks.

And at press time, I still have my expired fetus inside of me. The doctor said to give it until Friday and hopefully it will pass naturally. If not, I have to go and get a procedure know as a D&C (dusting and cleaning as my girl Lisa called it) which will remove it and clean all up in there.

But don’t worry, I really am better and I am confident that when we conceive again it will be successful. At least that’s what the stats say.

But until then…..grab me a beer and pass that joint please!