All About Goodbyes

Danielle is travelin’ 'tomorrow' on a plane. I can see the red lights, heading for Spain. I can see Danielle waving goodbye. It looks like Danielle will be the clouds in my eyes.

Well, I had to use 'tomorrow ' instead of tonight because I am leaving for Sweden tomorrow, not tonight. But it still works if you sing it outloud and say 'tomorrow' really quickly.
And by the way...I never knew Daniel was going to SPAIN. I thought he was headed for SPACE. But I looked up the lyrics and now I see.

So anyway, it will be really nice to not have to work or even pretend to work for a few days.
I’ve finished most of my packing and I will finish the rest tonight.
I have no idea who I will be sharing a room with so I’m gonna be stuck with some random fool. I just hope it isn’t a snoring fool. Or a farting fool. Or a feet-smelling fool. Any of those types of fools would really suck.
Bas and I are going to have a romantic dinner out tonight since we won’t be seeing each other for five whole days. It will be the longest I’ve been away from him since carrying on our long distance relationship when I was living in Gainesville, Florida going to college and he was in Harlem, New York waiting for me to join him. We did that for a little over a year.
How did you make it work, you ask?
Well, we would talk on the phone for hours and hours everyday. We spoke so often that my friends in Gainesville used to make fun of me for being so attached to the phone. And I used to fly to New York every two weeks or so. Just ask Mastercard.
I think the longest we went without seeing each other was three weeks. I came for Christmas Break, Spring Break and Summer Break. And all these visits and phone calls were definitely what allowed it to work between us. And I was completely faithful the whole time. And I wholeheartedly believe he was too.
Without the calls and visits, I just don’t know. He probably would have found someone in NY. And maybe I would have found some young college morsel to keep me company on those lonely nights. And believe me, those college boys (some nearly ten years my junior) didn’t have any problem spending time with a “sexy” older woman. And that’s not bragging on myself. But I was a mere 123 lbs with a full C cup chest. And I certainly didn’t look my age. Nobody ever knew I was old enough to be their mother unless I told them. And I would love the reactions when I would drop the “30” bomb on people.

But that was all in the past because now, not only am I 10lbs heavier (which I don’t love, but it still looks decent) but I am getting ready to grow exponentially. That is me and my little one growing in the womb.
Yup, pretty soon I’ll be staring at stretch marks and hanging skin. And the full “C” cup I’ve been sporting so proudly for the last 15 years will soon deflate into a “U” cup. That means they will take on the shape of the letter “U”. WAH!
I envision that when I put on my bra I will have to flip them over my shoulder, hook the bra and then pour them into the bra’s cups. Pretty damn gross, huh?
Yeah, for that I am definitely happy that I waited to give birth so late in my life. I was able to enjoy a fit and hard body for a good amount of years. Yet, I am really going to miss it dearly. I will probably have to go through the five stages of grief:

1. DENIAL-“This can’t be happening to me!” I will pull my skin tight, clip it with some
clothes pins and swear it still is as it once was.

2. ANGER- “Dammit, as much as love this baby…why did I have to be the one to have
it? Why couldn’t fucking Bas’s body be the one that gets ruined for the sake of
starting a mother-fuckin’ family? Why me? Why God? Why? Why? Why?”

3. BARGAINING-“Oh please, just let me have my body back and I swear I will never
make fun of anyone anymore. I’ll help feed the homeless every Christmas and
Easter. If only I can have a tight body once again.”

4. DEPRESSION-“Whoa is me. I can’t leave the house looking like this. I can’t get out
of bed looking like this. I look like a piece a shit. Bas will never want me again. I am
worthless. I don’t deserve to live.”

5. ACCEPTANCE- “Well, I am 33 and I just had a child. I really don’t look too horrible.
Plus, I’ve had a very full life before with my tight body. I was lucky to have
a tight body at one time. Some people aren’t so lucky. I mean just look at my beautiful
baby. The apple of my eye. I don’t give a damn how my body looks when I get to be
with this precious sack of love everyday. I really am very lucky!